Planning a Neurodiverse friendly wedding ceremony.

I have been privileged to work in inclusive, mainstream schools for 35 years. This has given

me many wonderful experiences of supporting children and families with a wide variety of

differences and needs. I am passionate about inclusivity, equality and equity and I always

say we are all wonderfully different and amazingly the same.

If you have guests at your ceremony that are Neurodivergent (ND), who are autistic or have

ADHD for example, then a few adjustments could help them have a special day.

These are a few ideas that you could implement that would help make your day special for

everyone. If you are ND or have a relative, friend or a child of a friend who is attending, you will want to make the day as wonderful as possible for them.

Triggers

If it is an immediate family member who is ND, you will most likely know their triggers. But if it is a relative or a child with a friend, ask them what their triggers are. The families will be very grateful that you have asked and taken their needs into account.

Once you know what the triggers are, you can try to avoid them eg some ND people do not like being crowded in a room full of people or balloons or fireworks.

Diet

Many ND people have a reduced diet. They are not being fussy eaters. It is often a sensory issue with so many different types of food. Ask ahead of the ceremony what dietary needs they may have and try to ensure that the venue can provide. If the venue is unable to provide, ensure the families know so that they know to bring food with them.

Clothing

Many ND people struggle with sensory difficulties from certain types of clothing. For your

ceremonies, make it clear there is no expectation to wear certain outfits. Just wear what is

comfortable.

Calm, quiet area

Often ceremonies and celebrations are wonderfully busy and often noisy. This can be

overwhelming and a real trigger for many ND people who often would really appreciate an area where they can relax, and even sleep and regulate for some of the day. A dedicated area allows them to retreat to somewhere when it all just gets too much when they become overwhelmed by the occasion. Creating a dedicated, quiet calm and even dark area will be greatly appreciated.

It could also contain a sensory area with sensory lights, a box of sensory toys, some bean bags. This may provide an opportunity and a place to relax, readjust and re-regulate.

Wifi

Many ND children and adults use phones and iPads to help cope and manage busy social

situations. If possible, ensure there is good Wi-Fi at your venue. If there isn’t, ensure all the parties are aware and can make appropriate adjustments.

Pre visits

Visiting new places and unfamiliar locations can be very difficult for many ND people and children. Suggest that they make a pre-visit to the venue to prepare for the new situation. Take photographs to write social stories about the day ahead.

Other events

During the day, there could be events such as a silent disco, which ensures that everyone can

dance and enjoy the music, but at their own pace.

Social expectations.

The wonderful thing about ceremonies is they are social events. This however, can provide many difficulties for ND people. They may not want to interact with other people. They may not want to kiss and hug relatives. Be aware of this, and if possible, let all the guests know. Let them do what they need to do. Let them retreat if they need to and make them as welcome and comfortable as possible.

Fitting in

The occasion shouldn’t be about the ND people having to fit in to the demands of the day.

Where possible, ensure that it meets their needs.

Consider:

• Visiting the venue multiple times so it becomes familiar.

• Getting ready at home in familiar comforting surroundings.

• Having a small intimate occasion with only close family and friends.

• Scheduling in time between each part of the day so it’s not rushed.

• Having a break away room to visit when feeling overwhelmed and regulate. Have a

sleep if needed.

• Thinking very carefully about the food and cake you want to eat and the clothing you

want to wear – it’s your wedding so have what you want to eat and wear what feels

comfortable.

• Wearing ear plugs if needed.

• After the ceremony, have time together away from everyone – go for a walk –

before the meal.

• Thinking carefully about the position of your seating so you don’t have to be looking

at people all the time.

• Don’t feel under pressure to have speeches – you could record them if you really

wanted to do them.

• Not having an evening do – end the celebrations with everyone in the afternoon and

then have a wonderful evening celebrating together alone.